Divorce

Infertility could lead a couple to getting a divorce. When I have told people about the journey that my husband and I have been on I will often tell them that I am so grateful that we have always looks at this struggle as something that we are going through together and it was never one persons fault, it was just something that we had to work through just like any other marital problem you could face. The inability to have children so far has really brought us closer together as we have struggled together. This could have been something that really tore us apart or made us resent the other person. I am so grateful that this was never a thought that I, or my husband had. 

Most people who get divorced later will say that they wished they would have stayed and worked on the marriage and stayed together. This could be for a variety of reasons, but I think that most people realize that they could of had it so good if they would have just worked a little bit harder. No marriage is easy and they all take work. But after you do anything that is hard you feel a lot of satisfaction and joy after its over and you can look back and see how much you have grown and how much you have learned. 

We know that there is often a dip in marital satisfaction after a child is born and it can continue to dip with each subsequent child. This is why the majority of marriages end in divorce in the first 2-5 years when people are just beginning to have their families. Another really common time for couples to get a divorce is after all the children have left the house because often in those situations the wife is bored and her children were her life and her husband isn't as important or exciting to her anymore. It can be really hard when we have transitions in family to navigate those new dynamics and this is why it is so important to remember those systems within families and why they are so important. (refer to my post titled Boundaries in Family for more detail) 

Of those families who do get divorced in the first 2-5 years and when they have children and get remarried navigating that dynamic can also be a challenge. There are 3 suggestions that can help in this situation. The first is the couple spend more time behind closed doors talking and communicating than the average couple. The second one is that the birth parent should do all the heavy discipline because there could be problems with the child seeing authority in the new parent. And the new parents job is to be like the best aunt or uncle. This doesn't mean let the child or children do whatever they would like but to be there for them and support them and let them know how much you love them and care for them. This can really save a lot of heartache and battles if this is practiced in those situations. 

Divorce is a hard thing. It damages a lot of people in the process but just because 70% of people say they could have and should have saved the marriage doesn't mean that everyone should. There are definitely situations where people need to get out for many different reasons. Marriage is hard work. Marriage is living on a downward escalator, unless you are working to go up, you will go down. It is not easy, but in most instances when we put in the work we will see the joy come, just like the battle with infertility. You put in the hard work and time and patience and eventually, you can have a child.