Blessings in Infertility
It can be a blessing to know that it is going to take some time to get all the medical things lined up before having a baby. This time gives you the chance to prepare. We can prepare in many ways. One way is preparing our living space. We make tentative arrangements are brainstorm ideas of where we would put a baby.
The next things that we can do is prepare our relationship. Most people know that a relationship changes a lot after having a baby. You are exhausted and emotionally drained often that it can be difficult to do things for yourself and your relationship after having a baby. Some people observe that marital satisfaction is highest in the "honeymoon" phase and then goes down after having each baby and then will plateau and then goes back up after each child leaves home. Other times it goes down when children are born and also when they leave. And lastly, that it can go up when each child is born and also when they leave.
The last idea is the one that we want to happen to us. Most couples when they have struggled to have a baby for a significant amount of time often could not be more excited to have that baby in their arms and both parents share in that excitement equally. They can't wait for the screaming, crying, and blowouts, this can seem crazy to people who already have children. They might call us naïve and ignorant to what it is like to have a child. And this might be true we might be naïve but we are also grateful. Knowing that you have some time can be a blessing. This can also be applied to parents who become pregnant sooner than expected (lucky ducks) knowing that you have 9 months to get these relationship tools in your tool box is so awesome.
It can be easier for couples who are struggling with infertility to think that when they finally have that cherished child they will be perfect and have everything figured out. This is simply impossible, every child is different and every parent is different. You will have to get to know your child and grow a relationship with them as well.
All couples struggle. There are a lot of transition periods with a relationship and those times are hard. But knowing and recognizing those challenges can help us to endure through them.
One tool to use is becoming intentional versus doing what is natural can be such a challenge. What I mean by this is really just thoughtfully doing things and putting effort into your relationship rather than just doing what comes natural or going through the motions. When both are struggling emotionally it can be hard to see out side yourself
and help your spouse through what they are feeling and thinking as well. It is important to take action intentionally and as you do this your relationship will be more fulfilling. When you are doing this your love for each other grows and when you have that much love you want to share it with a child.
Infertility is difficult. It is something that is indescribable but with everything there is a lesson to be learned and a blessing to be received. Never give up on your relationship, keep working on it. Even after three kids or ten kids. Relationships are hard work but the more work you put in the greater the outcome.
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