Intimacy and Fidelity in Marriage

Intimacy is a very intimidating word. When I think of intimacy I think of being close and open with someone and that be challenging at times. When you are going through any trial it can be easy to compare your situation to other peoples. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? But typically when we are focusing on something else we often neglect what is right in front of us. 

When facing infertility, someone could blame their spouse if there was something medically wrong that could be prohibiting a pregnancy. You could think that if you just were with someone else then you could have what you want, a child. You might start to look at other people or past relationships and think that if you were just with them then you might not be in this situation. The truth is that trials and struggles can really help a relationship to grow stronger. In my marriage we have always viewed our situation in the way that we were both experiencing it together and equally. We have noticed that as we have gone through this with that mindset that we have grown closer together and learned a great deal about each other. As we have shared our deep thoughts and emotions with each other and not other people about our situation we have felt that trust build. 

It all goes back to boundaries. (read my post 'Boundaries in Family' for more details) When we overshare with someone outside of our marriage and under share with our spouse we are creating incorrect boundaries in our relationships. Sharing deep and personal thoughts and feelings with someone is an intimate thing and it can bond and glue that relationship together. Deep and personal things should be saved to share with your spouse with in your relationship. 

When struggling with infertility it can be comforting to share things with family and friends about what is going on in your life to seek support. There just needs to be a balance about what is shared and when it is shared. Often when people are first married it can be a difficult adjustment to share or talk to your spouse especially if you are frustrated with them. You might turn to a parent or close friend. When we do this we are distancing ourselves from our spouse and strengthening a different connection. This can lead to an emotional affair which could potentially lead to a physical affair. When we are going through something difficult and we talk to our spouse about it and keep that conversation in confidence we build trust between each other and that deepens and strengthens your relationship. Again, it is EASY to complain to someone about what your spouse is doing or has done that is upsetting but just because it is easy doesn't mean that it is right. 

When someone is complaining to a family member or friend about their spouse they can often stir up a lot of emotion and make the person more upset then they originally were. These people will take the side of the person talking to them and they might not respect or develop ill feelings for the other person. This can create riffs between people and that is not healthy. There are so many benefits in keeping certain things between a couple in a marriage. 

I have found that in my marriage I tend to be a bit of an over sharer and my husband under shares. He has taught me to be more private with things and I have taught him how to share important things with those that need to know. This has helped us to learn more about each other and has helped us strengthen our marriage even though we are going through something so hard.