Dating in Marriage

Dating in Marriage? What? You mean to tell me that after you have gone through all the work to date and get to know someone and then eventually marry them, you still have to date them? 

Yep! That is exactly what I mean. What does dating even mean and why is it important? There are many ways to define a date. In today's world it has become very common to just hang out. This often takes the pressure off, and you feel like you can be more yourself.  But are there drawbacks to this? Yes!

When you are going dates with someone you are often paired off. This allows you to have conversations one on one with this person. This often doesn't happen with hanging out because you have other people around to bounce conversation off. When you are paired off that person becomes responsible for you for that time, and it can show you how they would take care of you if you were in a defined relationship. This also means that you are responsible for that person as a relationship goes both ways. You take care of each other and make sure the other persons needs are being taken care of.

The next aspect of a date is making sure that it is paid for. This doesn't have to mean money. This just means that the resources for the date are being provided in some way. This can demonstrate to your date that you can be creative and come up with ways to still have a good time while being savvy.

The last aspect of a date is that it is planned. When a date is planned it can show your date that you can be in charge or handle the responsibilty of making choices. This can show you that if you were to be in a defined relationship with this person how well they would handle this aspect of your relationship.

Now that all makes sense for when you are looking for someone to be your other half. But what about after you are already married. Why would it matter then?

You never stop getting to know someone. It takes 3 months to BEGIN to know someone. After you are married it can become easy to fall into routines and let intimacy take a back burner. This can be especially easy if you are trying to have a child and struggling with that. Going on dates is one of the things that you can do to light that fire again. 

Dating helps you to keep getting to know your spouse. It helps you to feel that love you have for each other. It is so important when you are going through infertility to remember those things. It can feel like you are all consumed with other emotions like grief, anger, and disappointment that it can be hard to feel love and joy sometimes. When you go on dates you can feel that joy and you remember why you fell in love and you can keep falling in love all over again. It is recommended that couples go on at least 1 date a week. This doesn't need to be a costly or extravagant activity but something that will follow the 3 P rule, planned, paired off, and paid for.

Dating is also important after you have kids. It can be hard to surface from the sea of dirty diapers, runny noses, and screams that will shatter ear drums. But it is vital.

 Dating keeps the fire burning, it makes you excited. It can feel like you are in an escape from the world and like it is just you and your date taking on the world by storm. This is something that makes those really times in a marriage when are you going through something so hard, like infertility, that feeling makes it all worth it.