Stress and Coping in Family

Stress. Stress is really hard. There are so many things in life that can bring us stress. Often times when people say that they are stressed or that they are experiencing stress there's often a negative connotation that we attached to that word. In reality, stress is a good thing. I know that sounds crazy. Stress, good? No way. The truth is that having stress strengthens us. Every day we put stress on our bodies, this builds our muscle mass and bone density. This is why the number one concern for astronauts is after they come back they become weak because they've been living in an environment with no stress on their bodies. This suggests that stress is good.

But how do we cope with stress? Or how do we make it so we don't let this stress turn into distress. Distress is the feeling of when we perceive that there is no escape from the danger that we are facing. Our bodies are so cool and when we sense a danger our limbic system takes over and increases our heartrates and breathing among other things. When this happens our frontal lobe goes to sleep and that is where all the problem solving is done. The funny thing about this is that our brain doesn't always know the difference between a bear attack and a family crisis. 

When battling infertility there's often lots of stress. There is stress about finances, medical treatments, and even marital problems. Couples and families can grow a great deal when facing these problems if they are equipped with the correct tools. One tool is the daily mood log combined with distorted thinking list. 

Here is an image of what this look likes. 

As you fill this out (directions can be found pretty much anywhere on google. but basically you do all the before stuff, fill out the distortions of those thoughts and then do the after feelings) you begin to see where your mind is distorting things for you. It is important to not just list something positive but something true. This can be a challenge at times but when you can figure out where your thoughts are being distorted and you can make new thoughts that is when you will begin to see real change. 

Our brains are funny like that. The more we think a certain thought the more and more that becomes our immediate thought. It takes time to change those pathways but the more we practice thinking other, more true thoughts, the  more our brains begin to make those thoughts or immediate or go to thoughts. Be patient with yourself. 

It can be frustrating when people tell you to just be positive and just choose to be happy. They might say that you are lucky that it is taking some time to have kids and that you should be grateful that it didn't or isn't happening right away. This can be so frustrating. You might feel invalidated in your feelings and you could develop feelings or guilt for feeling how you do and that you should just choose to be happy. Rewiring your brain just isn't that easy. It takes time and practice. One of the best times to rewire your brain is in the morning. In the morning is when we are most open and ready for change. 

Infertility is hard and stressful. It can be so hard to cope with those really intense and overwhelming feelings. Being able to look at those thoughts that cause some of those feeling to set in and work through them and not just cover them with a happy sticker is so empowering. Work through the stress and become stronger, that's how we grow.